


Nothing is the same

by Heellen



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:09:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24995155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heellen/pseuds/Heellen
Summary: 'And now, with the unbearable pain that clouded her brain, it seemed so absurd to her to have fought him for some feelings. Of course she wanted Jay, she always wanted Jay. He was her best friend, how could she fight him.'! Upstead feelings !PS: I also post on FanFiction.Net
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton
Comments: 11
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

“Hailey! Oh God, Hailey!”

She looked at Vanessa's face whiten staring at her. Followed her gaze as she noticed a large patch of blood spread over her jeans. It was only at that moment that she felt shooting pain in her thigh and her leg gave way. She crashed into the car they were repairing behind.

“ _50-21 Frank. Shots fired 10-01 10-01. Homan Ave corner with Augusta Blvd. Send an ambo, officer down_ ”

She heard Vanessa's voice from far away, her gaze was stuck on her leg. She clasped her hands around the thigh but was hypnotized by the trail of blood flowing out of the jeans.

The puddle next to her reflected the lightning flashes of the storm that was preparing to fall apart. Her field of vision was then suddenly occupied by Vanessa's hands pressing hard on the wound.

“Hailey!”, she looked up noticing her terrified face.

She stared at her absently, her mind slowly processing what was going on. Why was she screaming? Had they arrested Mitchell?

“They were my favorite jeans…”, she whispered staring at the now ruined jeans.

“You are in shock. Can you hear me? Hailey!”

Vanessa's voice grew weaker, her face blurred.

“Hailey!”

She slowly reopened her eyes hearing Jay's voice scream her name. He clasped his hands around her thigh and she couldn't take her eyes off the blood that passed between his fingers.

“I really liked these jeans…”, she jumped in pain, “Jay…”

“We're going to look for an another one, okay? Stay awake, Hailey, stay awake. Can you hear me? Hailey, listen to my voice!”

She blinked as he unfastened his tie and tightened it around her thigh. Looking up at his face was the last thing she did before she was swallowed by the darkness.

...

The night before.

Hailey walked through the door of a crowded Molly looking around until she spotted Kevin near a window.

“Hey Detective!”, Herman smiled at her from the other side of the counter and she replied with a quick hand gesture.

“Hey guys. Vanessa’s out with friends, maybe she'll catch up with us later”, she slipped into a free stool, taking off her jacket.

Only when she looked up did she realize she was looking at a pair of blue eyes she didn't know. She looked around slightly confused noticing the joy that pervaded Jay. It was strange to see him so openly happy.

“I'm Greg and you have to be…”, he offered his hand with a gentle smile on the face.

“Hailey. But Greg as…”

“Mouse! Oh man, how nice to see you!”

Adam crashed into him placing a series of beers on the table.

So this is the famous Mouse, she thought, studying him carefully. Now she understood Jay's joy perfectly. The boy in front of her was young, about the same age as Jay, she reasoned quickly. She saw him calm and happy, but she knew he had returned to Afghanistan years ago.

Kim pulled her out of her thoughts when she caught Mouse's attention by asking him what he had been up to over the years.

Hailey listened to him speak, noting how, from time to time, he kept glancing at her.

“I returned to America a year and a half ago. Went to live with my sister in Texas, she helped me with some stuff…”, he said the last words staring at Jay who nodded knowingly.

She could imagine the stuff he was talking about. The demons and nightmares that plagued him as they still plagued Jay. Maybe Mouse had understood before him that he needed help to move forward.

“Tell me about all of you though! How’s unity going?”

“You should come to the district tomorrow! I guess Platt’s face!”, Kim laughed shaking her head.

The conversation went on and Hailey found herself watching amused but something, in everything they said, made her feel excluded. It was normal, she told herself, she was not yet there when Mouse worked with them.

“I heard about Al…”

“Yeah, it was difficult…”, Adam was the first to break the silence that had fallen between them.

“The others? Voight, Antonio, Erin?”

“Voight, you know, you never know where he is”, Kevin shook his head, “Antonio went away about a year ago and Erin went in New York three years ago.”

“Erin in New York?”, Mouse's head snapped at Jay who took a sip of beer, nodding slowly, “And did you take her place?”

“No, I…”, Hailey stared at him without words. Take her place? But who wanted to take Erin Lindsay's place?

“I'm just Hailey.”

An embarrassed silence fell that no one seemed to have the courage to break.

Hailey glanced at her phone hoping for some emergency to escape from that evening. If she had known, she would have stayed home.

But knew what? It was normal for them to dig up old memories, right? And yet…yet she didn't want to hear about Erin. She didn’t want to know what Erin was like, how the unit was with Erin. She knew she was like a daughter to Voight and a sister to Kim, and yet…and yet she had always had had this feeling that the others thought she had taken her place. But she hadn't wanted to take anyone's place. She didn't want to embody her ghost.

“But in the meantime, this girl has come, kicking his ass really badly!”, Kevin squeezed her shoulder pointing at Jay.

“Yeah, no, it's not like that!”, she laughed staring at him badly.

“So tell me about yourself”, Mouse stretched out on the table staring intently.

“I'm sorry man, I don't know you enough to tell you my dirtiest secrets.”

“Uh, naughty. I like you!”

She really liked Mouse. She liked it because it was important to Jay. Did it make sense? She really liked him, but she didn't know him. And she was too a closed person to please someone immediately.

The evening was spent telling Mouse the mess of the last four years of the unit.

“Did you really tell him he's a jerk and to get out of your crime scene?”

Mouse stared at her with his mouth open, the beer squeezed in his hands. She didn't even know how they ended up talking about that day, about her.

“Yeah, um… I’ve been following that case for months.”

“And didn't he kill you?”

“I told you she's a badass!”, Kevin tapped beer on the table enthusiastically, “Even if …when she gets pissed…”

“Shut up!”

They all burst out laughing, though Hailey noticed a flash in Jay's eyes. She could not grasp what it was, but it was all evening that she noticed him glancing without saying anything. He was cheerful, he couldn't stop laughing and he knew it was thanks to Mouse, as far as they were tied. But those looks, although knowing him well, she just couldn't understand them.

...

She slipped from his stool with the excuse of going to the bathroom but, once she washed her face, instead of going back to the table, she stopped at the counter.

She only felt that this evening was their evening, she really didn't have anything to do with it. She had seen how Kevin tried to put her into the conversation, but it was clear they all wanted to talk about the old days.

And she didn't want to spoil anyone's mood.

“So Hailey, what can I give you besides my fantastic presence?”

She smiled looking up, Herman stared at her, holding out a beer to the boy next to her.

“Your presence is the only reason I come here.”

“Flattering Detective are you. How come you're here with me?”

“I’m going home soon, not really in the mood tonight…”

“Excellent whiskey, it’s on the house”, he handed her a glass full of amber liquid before leaving to take some orders. Hailey looked at her phone to answer some messages, tasting what she then considered a really good whiskey.

“So, a cop, huh…I’m Michael.”

She raised her head to meet a pair of blue eyes staring at her from behind a glass of beer. She wasn't in the mood to meet anyone, but the boy's kind expression didn't really deserve a rude answer, so she grabbed his hand out to her, “Hailey.”

“Nice to meet you.”

They were interrupted by her phone ringing on the counter. She looked at him pretending a pained expression before turning on the stool to turn her back on him.

“Hey.”

“ _You still at Molly?_ ”

“Yes but…”

“ _Okay, on my way!_ ”

Vanessa ended the call quickly and Hailey sighed in defeat. The idea of having to meet a stranger didn’t make her jump for joy. Although perhaps, really, it wouldn't have been bad to meet someone new. Someone who wasn't her partner now too busy remembering his ex.

She turned resigned when, instead of the stranger, she met Adam's confused expression.

"Aren't you coming to the table?”, he had one arm resting on the counter and completely blocked Michael's view.

“Um no, I…I’m going home.”

She jumped off the stool and passed him. She grabbed her jacket and, after a few brief greetings, literally fled the Molly.

...

With her head sunk in her hands and her gaze fixed on the glass full of whiskey in front of her, she ignored the messages on her phone.

After Jay's first asking her why she had gone away, she had decided to carefully avoid any contact with him. Did he realize her existence only after she left?

She knew she was exaggerating, she knew it was her own problem, yet…

Yet there was this little monster who danced on the table in front of her eyes and who kept telling her that she was right, that it was he who had excluded her.

“Hailey! I'm home!”, she heard Vanessa scream from the entrance before her shuffling footsteps reached her in the kitchen.

“I thought I'd find you at Molly but they told me that you left early… Did something happen?”

“Hey, no, just tired.”

“But did you discuss with Halstead? He seemed a little…distracted.”

“No, really just tired.”

Vanessa stared at her intently, obviously she hadn't believed her for even a second. She poured herself a glass of whiskey before sinking into the chair on the other side of the table.

After a few minutes of silence, she began to tell her about her evening. Her cheerful voice was a balm for Hailey's troubled soul.

She knew she was doing it for her and that she really just wanted her to talk. Not because she was curious, but to help her. By now, she knew she could trust her, only that she really didn't know what to say.

Was she angry about what exactly? For Jay who hadn't recognized her presence? For Jay looking at her with regret thinking of Erin? For the thought of Erin?

She realized that Vanessa had remained silent only when she saw her pour another dose of whiskey into both glasses.

With a defeated sigh, she lowered her head running a hand through her hair.

“I could be jealous…”

And only after she said it, did she know that was why she was angry. She was angry at herself.

“Jealous?”

She nibbled her lip avoiding Vanessa's gaze.

“Did you see the guy who was with the others?”

“Yeah, Mouse I think. Nice, cute. He worked in the unit years ago, right?”

“Yeah, he…was Jay's partner in the Rangers, then he worked for a few years in Intelligence, before rejoin the army.”

“Okay…”, Vanessa dragged the word expecting her to continue.

“I could be jealous of Erin.”

She dropped the glass on the table, her mouth wide open, “I really can't follow you. Erin…?”

Hailey sighed again, the desperation that was assailing her, “Jay's old partner. She left shortly after my arrival in Intelligence…”

“Hailey, I really need some help here…”, Vanessa crossed her arms. Her eyes were narrowed into two slits and Hailey recognized her expression in the one she used when trying to concentrate without finding a logical thread in the situation.

“The love of his life. The one who left him without saying anything.”

“Oh, that Erin”, Vanessa stares at her with a raised eyebrow, “You might be jealous of Erin…”

“I could be jealous of Erin.”

“And why? You are his partner now!”

She took a deep breath looking for the right words to give voice to her messed up thoughts.

“I never wanted to be Erin or take her place…”

“Hailey, nobody could ever think you are her… I don't know much about her, but you are you. I don't know if I explain.”

She shook her head angrily, “You don't understand! Erin was tough, intelligent and beautiful! And she was his partner!”

She banged her forehead against the table with a roar of dissatisfaction. The silence she received in response clearly confirmed that Vanessa was not following her. It was so clear to her, but how could Vanessa understand? She had never seen Erin except in photos, she had never seen Jay after Erin, damn it!

“Hailey, really, I need some more help. Why should you be jealous? Jay loves working with you, we all know…”

She clapped her hands open on the table and stood up, “God damn it! I could have feelings for him!”

She ran her hands through her hair and, for a moment, she almost thought of tearing it off.

“I know from before you…”, Vanessa continued to stare at her bewildered.

How could she not focus on the problem?

She went back to sitting sighing for the hundredth time in one evening, “I can't have feelings for him, because I'm his partner and I'm not Erin. If I had feelings for him, I'd be just a bad copy of Erin. And…you don't understand…”

She went to the sink to quickly wash his glass. Before she could escape to the bedroom, Vanessa grabbed her by the arm and stopped her.

“Are you afraid of the rumors in the district or that Erin was better than you?”

“I don’t know. Listen, leave it. I'm just tired…”

“No, wait!”

Vanessa ran after her and, before she could slam the bedroom door behind her, she sneaked behind her.

“I don't know Erin and I have no interest in knowing her, but Hailey…if your fear is she’s better than you, that’s a bullshit!You could easily beat anyone…”

The shirt flew over the chair and, left in her bra, laughed bitterly.

“Listen, I can't really have feelings for him. Is that…I worked with her for a little over a month and I was called to the Ivory Tower because of her, so really, she was never been my best friend… I don’t like hearing about her, that’s all.”

To clarify her intentions, she opened the door wide waiting for Vanessa to come out. She closed it behind her and, slipping out of the jeans, threw herself into the bed trying to forget the grip on her stomach that was killing her.

Damn, she had feelings for his partner.

...

She was already sitting at her desk, the first coffee of the day already finished, when the rest of the unit slowly arrived in the district.

She got up early and, silently so as not to wake Vanessa, had prepared and slipped away. She had practically arrived first in the whole district. Not that she minded, given the amount of backlog she had to do.

Who said that the night brought advice? Certainly a deluded one, because her night had brought only bitterness.

She didn't want to see Jay. That is, she knew that in reality he had done nothing wrong and the problem was her alone and that was the point. She wanted to keep some distance from Jay just to be able to put clarity in her messed up mind. Realizing that she had feelings for him, had plunged her into a circle of thoughts about Garrett and Erin and how everything could go to hell.

So no, she just needed to get back in one piece.

“I do not believe it! This place is completely different and totally the same at the same time! Is it possible?”

Mouse's voice surprised her. She had finally managed to tidy up her desk by moving at least twenty files in the closet that she had been putting off for weeks. She looked at the now smooth and proudly ordered surface. Getting to the district so early had its good points, after all.

“Detective”, he greeted her amicably with a wave of his hand before reaching Jay, already seated.

She exchanged greetings putting two pens in her pen holder and sighing with satisfaction.

“Productive morning?”

“You can say so, yeah”, the completely disinterested look she gave Jay, recognizing his presence, made her proud of herself.

All right, she could do it.

It was already mid-morning and she got up to go and pour himself the third coffee when, around the corner of the office, she saw Jay and Mouse's figures chatting near the side stairs.

She hadn't really intended to eavesdrop on their conversation, but when heard her name, she couldn't help but listening. She felt only a few fragments, until her already fought heart stopped.

“So, same partner since Erin left?”

“Yeah, Hailey is good for me. She helped me when…well, often.”

“She’s cute…”

“She is a great partner. She was tired last night, but I hope you’ll get to know her, you’ll like her!”

"You definitely like her!", she saw him shake his head in an amused tone.

“Yeah, no, not as you mean!”, Jay laughed, “She's really good for me, the best partner, but no other thoughts about her, I'm done with partners!"

' _No other thoughts about her._ '

‘ _I'm done with partners.’_

She cursed herself so hard that for a moment she thought they would be able to hear her thoughts. She knew it, she knew it! Yet she was fell! She had believed that…it was different. That even for Jay was different…

She quickly slipped into the break rooms listening to nothing else. She closed her eyes for a moment in front of her cup to regain control of herself.

She had always been able to hide her thoughts, she would have done it even now.

...

“Halstead and Burgess have a deal with Mitchell in a shed in Cicero. Upton and Rojas will be in front, Ruzek and Atwater in the back. Let's clean it up and take Mitchell as soon as money passes.”

As soon as Voight finished talking, Jay and Kim came out from around the corner, he tying his tie and she adjusting her skirt.

They were heading for the cars, already split in pairs when she heard Jay running beside her.

“About yesterday evening, you disappeared. Everything good?”

' _No other thoughts about her._ '

“Yeah sure. I was tired.”

“Hey, you okay? You look strange.”

' _I am done with partners._ '

“Let me live, Jay. I don't need this! Go do your job”, she snapped as she got into the car. She left before Vanessa closed the door and, driving away, saw him standing in the middle of the road as he stared at her car sliding away.


	2. Chapter 2

She blinked hard against the blinding light. The pain in her leg was practically unimaginable. And the confusion in her head didn't help.

"Hailey? Can you hear me? Hailey?”

A voice from far away penetrated her ears but all she could do was close and reopen her eyes fighting against tears and light.

Then, suddenly, the light disappeared and a head of red hair that she knew well stood before her sight.

“Will? What happened?”

“Hailey! I need to know how strong your pain is from 1 to 10. Do you think you can tell me?”

“I think…8. I don't know, what happened? Will?”

“They shot you, Hailey. You lost a lot of blood… Can you stay awake for me? Can you do that?”

The pain was so intense that the only thing she could think of was not to scream. She felt a few tears wet her skin before Will's worried face vanished in the dark.

...

The second time she opened her eyes, the pain was still so severe that, without thinking about it, she squeezed a hand against her thigh. An action that cursed as soon as the sensation of a knife piercing her skin reached her brain.

“Fuck…”, she sobbed with her head sunk in the pillow.

“Hailey!”

“Hey ‘Nessa”, she muttered in dismay recognizing the voice. She opened her eyes in two slits fearing to throw up in pain, “Is Will around here?”

“I can make him call. Or maybe not”, she added when the lanky figure of the doctor appeared at the door.

“Hey Detective, how are we doing?”

“I think…throwing up… Will…”

A few seconds and she bent over herself, each hitting made her leg throb. Will's cold hand had tied her hair behind the back of her neck, while the other held the container in front of her.

“I'm sorry but…it hurts too much…”

“Okay, I can give you other painkillers, okay?”

The feeling of relief that ran through her veins was so immediate that she almost started to cry again. She liked to think she was strong and indestructible, but most of the time she was only human.

She closed her eyes sliding into a deep sleep, free of nightmares and pain.

...

“We lowered the painkiller dose, so she should wake up shortly. Call me when it happens, okay?”

For the umpteenth time, Will's voice entered her brain and wondered how long she would wake up with his voice.

She opened her eyes after what seemed like hours and, from the way Kim was smeared against the chair next to her, probably an infinite amount of time had passed.

“Hey! How are you?”

She straightened up slowly trying to focus on her worried expression.

“Hey, you didn't need to be here so much…”

“We took turns, don't worry about me!”

“How long have I been here?”

Kim looked at the clock, “A day and a half now. It's six in the afternoon. They shot you yesterday morning.”

“Yesterday morning? What happened?”

“We were going to arrest him but Mitchell hit me and ran away. When he saw you outside he opened fire…”

“What happened to me?”

“I can call Will if you want… In fact, I should call him.”

“No, wait! He will ask me a thousand questions… Explain it to me first!”

Kim stared at her for a few seconds in silence, “From what I get, the bullet has pierced the muscle and touched the artery. You really lost a lot of blood, they don't know how you managed not to bleed… And it will really hurt you really…”

“Yeah, I think I had some glimpse…”, she muttered.

“I know you woke up last night with Vanessa…”

“I don't remember much, I think I threw up for the pain, but I'm not sure… What about Mitchell?”

“The guys took him only tonight. He had run away.”

“Hey really, you shouldn't be here if there is work to do…”

“Hailey”, Kim sighed, taking her hand in hers, “Vanessa’s probably still in shock and the others are working. I am right where I should be. Don't fight me, okay?”

She nodded with teary eyes, “I'm sorry, I…”

“Everything’s alright. Now what if I go to call Will so he can check you out and then call Jay? You can rest, okay?”

She nodded absently watching her come out and close the door behind her.

Jay. She vaguely remembered what she had said but it seemed like an eternity had passed since it happened.

And now, with the unbearable pain that clouded her brain, it seemed so absurd to have fought him for some feelings.

Of course she wanted Jay, she always wanted Jay. He was her best friend, how could she fight him?

...

She was left alone with Will after managing to persuade Kim to go home.

She liked Will. He was funny and knew how to respect her pain. After asking a thousand questions and changing her dressing, he sat in the chair next to her and stared at her.

“Can I ask you something?”

“If I say no, will I discourage you?”

He laughed shaking his head. For a moment he looked like Jay, they had the exact same movement of the head.

“What happened with my brother? No, wait, it came out badly! Whatever happened with my brother, talk to him. He cares about you…”

Hailey clasped her hands under the sheet as she looked at him impassively.

“Nothing happened.”

“Hailey”, he sighed as he looked at her, “Maybe you don't remember what you said to me in the ER…”

This completely caught her attention. She tried to rethink what she might have said, but her memories of the last day and a half were very confused. She shook her head apologetically.

“You kept muttering to tell him you were sorry. Hailey, I don't know what happened, but he was really terrified…”

“Oh…”, she absolutely didn't remember saying anything like that.

“Okay, it doesn't concern me. I have a shift tonight too, so if you need, just call me, okay?”

He waved a hand in front of her before disappearing into the corridor.

She closed her mind not to think. She was finally alone and would take advantage of it to sleep again.

...

For the first time in two days, she woke up without Will's voice. She considered it a little victory.

She gritted her teeth against the continuous pain in her leg, throbbed with every beat of her heart and she really wanted to tear her leg once and for all.

She blinked slowly with her mind clouded with pain. Why did it have to do so damn bad?

“I know you're awake.”

She jumped at the voice came from the side of the bed. She had to expect it, but still caught her off guard.

“How are you feeling?”, Jay re-emerged the darkness, running a hand over his face.

“Uhm, fine, I suppose. What time is it?”

“Late. It's two o’clock."

“Go home, Jay. There is no need to stay here.”

“I know”, he sighed, leaning on the chair, “But it's the first time I've been able to come, it's okay to stay here for a while.”

“What has happened these days? I know you got Mitchell.”

“Yeah, uhm, Voight prevented me from coming here by forcing me to stay and investigate. Vanessa has been in shock until today afternoon, I think Kevin is now at your house.”

“What did you do to Voight?”

“Nothing, but I think he too wondered what happened yesterday morning.”

“Jay…”, she shook her head avoiding looking at him.

“Hailey, what the hell happened yesterday morning? I…keep thinking about it, imagine what I did wrong but, seriously…I don't understand…”

She saw him running his hands through his hair, shaking the head. The torment in his eyes made them a darker green than usual.

“Why are you here?”

“Hailey…”, a bitter smile slipped on his lips, “Help me understand.”

He was so confused and desperate that Hailey's heart bled. With what courage could she have hurt him?

“I…I don't really know. The other day, all that talking about Erin, me taking her place…I think I just went a little crazy. I don't know, really…”

It was only a half lie. In fact, it was only half a truth. A half-truth couldn't hurt like a whole lie, could it?

“But what the hell does Erin have to do with you?”

“Because she concern you! So it's about me too!”, she blurted, losing patience.

“It's not about me, not anymore! Wait…”, he moved uncomfortably in his chair, “Is that what Mouse said? He didn't want to compare you to her…”

' _I am done with partners._ '

She closed her eyes remembering his words, something broke in her chest. Why did she have to fall in love? Why had she let her guard down?

She stared into his troubled eyes and something inside her rebelled.

“I don't even know what we're talking about. Nothing happened.”

And as she had learned to do as a child, she shut the whole world out. In one way or another she had to appease her emotions and this was the best solution. Or at least so she believed.

She saw him leaning against the chair and closing his eyes. He had a defeated expression on his face. And Hailey still felt so guilty and at the same time so empty.

She had allowed her heart to become attached to another person, to another partner. And she believed that he too… But he was only her partner, she only needed time to remember him.

She turned her head away and let the painkillers slide her to a place with no broken heart.

...

“Hi Hailey, can I come in?”

She looked up from her cell phone to see Mouse linger on her door. Her vision had been blurred for a few hours and she was shivering, but finally her leg hurt less, so receiving a few visits, for the first time, didn't bother her too much.

“Uhm, sure…”

He sat in the chair Jay had occupied during the night and they fell into a somewhat embarrassed silence. She rubbed her eyes trying to dispel the fog that surrounded her head.

“Listen, you don't really need to be here… I don't know who sent you but…you can go!”

“Yeah, Jay had warned me you would have said something like that”, he laughed looking at her, “The rest of the unit took a case but I actually wanted to come here, because I’ve the impression we started off on the wrong foot. And I'm sorry.”

She stared at him slightly frowning, then he continued.

“You know, I like you. I mean Jay likes you and that's enough for me. I've heard so much about you that…it’s okay to be reserved, but I think I triggered some of your triggers…”

“Look, really. If it's for the other night, I was just tired!”

“It's for the other morning, Hailey.”

She stared at him for a few seconds before looking straight ahead. She would not talk about her thoughts with a stranger.

“I didn't know you had any problems with Erin…”

“I have no problems with Erin!”

He chuckled shaking his head, "God, you're stubborn like Jay. No really, I don't know you but I never really meant that you had taken her place. I'm sure you're very different from her…”

They were interrupted by Will, with the most messy hair she had ever seen.

“Hey, my favorite Detective, how are you?”

“Why do I have the impression that you live here?”

“The only way to keep an eye on you. I mean, I don't know if you know my brother, but he’s almost as stubborn as you are, so no, you won't go home even today!”

He approached her checking her parameters.

“And I hear you snorting, so stop it now! Hailey, you have a fever… How long have you not felt well?”

“I don't know, I'm fine…”

She continued to watch him cutting the bandage on her thigh. Part of her mind realized she wanted to cover up because Mouse would have seen her in her underwear otherwise, but she was too tired to fight.

“Hailey, you developed an infection. I knew it could happen, but I was hoping to notice it sooner… Let’s start a course of antibiotics right away, okay?”

She nodded slowly, his words were distant and slow. She leaned her head against the pillow with a sigh.

She opened her eyes when a nurse was already bandaging her thigh and Will was writing furiously on her file.

Darkness enveloped her for the umpteenth time, the last thing she saw was his worried look.

...

She moved for the umpteenth time in the bed. She sensed the presence of Mouse, silent and immobile, sitting in the chair in the corner. He had told her that her fever was still rising, but at least now she was managing to formulate coherent thoughts.

“Hailey!”

She moved her head slowly seeing Jay emerge with short of breath leaning against the door.

“What the hell happened?”

“You arrived! She developed an infection… She has high fever from a few hours.”

“Hailey?”, the bed lowered to her side and managed to focus on Jay's worried face hovering above her.

“Hey partner, who called you?”

His unsatisfied breathing brushed her face and it was really pleasant. Something hot against the chills that were making her teeth chatter.

“They both called me. Will was having a heart attack, never do it again, okay?”

She nodded doing what might look like a smile, then reached out to his arm resting next to her.

“I'm so sorry, you know? I was a bitch with you, but you…you are my favorite partner”, she muttered closing her eyes.

“It's all right Hailey, it's the effect of fever. We're fine, okay?”

She felt dragged higher and then pressed against him. She was too tired to open her eyes or hug him, so she simply held onto his arm before sighing in relief.

Maybe she would only love him forever. It wasn't so bad to love him, he was such a good man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!   
> Hoping you like this new chapter!  
> H.


	3. Chapter 3

A week had passed by now, the infection had healed and Hailey was ready to go home. She had seen Jay little in those days, she had seen little everyone. She knew they had taken a big case and most of the time she was left alone.  
She didn't really mind, the two days that took her body to fight the infection were immersed in a confused fog that had left her exhausted and empty. She vaguely remembers the moments when she was awake but they were all wrapped in a strange confusion that faded as soon as she tried to focus on her memories.  
But now she was slowly regaining strength despite the always incredibly painful wound.  
Mouse had come to see her more often than she expected. Initially she thought Jay obliged him, but then she saw him spend whole hours there doing nothing but try to make a light conversation and she realized that he was really a nice person.  
She recognized in him many shadows equal to those she had learned about Jay. They certainly had very similar hidden monsters and it was also for that, she could feel for him a natural transport and affection.  
Every now and then she woke up during the nights to find Jay sunk in the armchair, the phone in one hand and his head against the wall and she didn't really have the courage to wake him up.  
She bitterly remembered Vanessa's visit from the two days before. She had been crying on her shoulder for half an hour, until a nurse chased her out because it made too much noise. Her heart broke seeing her so distressed and it really took her at least twenty minutes before the desperate crying turned into simple sobs.  
“Hey, I'm your drive to home!”  
She raised her head to hear Jay's voice, “Are you ready?”  
He picked up her bag from the closet before fixing her with a smile.  
She looked down at the wheelchair, really wanted to fight to go on crutches but the idea of standing up almost made her feel bad, so she jumped stupidly until she sighed in relief at the feeling of the chair below her.  
“I didn't think I'd ever see the day when Hailey Upton would surrender to a wheelchair.”  
“Oh, William!”, she greeted him waving a hand.  
“You are the second person to call me William. And the first was my mother. Should I start worrying?”, he signed the last resignation sheet before slipping out of his room with a snort.  
“First thing you''ll do once you get out of here?”, Jay pushed her out the doors and she closed her eyes at the feeling of the hot sun on her skin.  
She covered her legs in the red cotton dress she had worn. Practically the only thing she could put, given the large bandage that was on her whole thigh.  
“I'd like to wash my hair. I don't know how yet, but I really want to wash my hair. And then sleeping.”  
“Sleeping with clean hair… God, I seem to be talking to a homeless person on his first day in a house.”  
“Shut up!”, she laughed climbing into his car.

...

Going through the door of her house was an almost overwhelming emotion. She had only been gone a week and a half, but it seemed like an eternity had passed.  
She knew well that Jay hadn't asked if she wanted to be helped to walk because he wanted to leave her autonomy, but when she saw the crutches he was stretching her waiting for her in her driveway, she was incredibly grateful.  
She stared at the table where on the last evening she had been there she had talked to Vanessa about Jay, Erin and her feelings. And once again it seemed like an eternity had passed.  
She was increasingly convinced that she had feelings for him and, a small part of her, was still convinced that he returned her.  
She didn’t recognize any behavior other than usual and this was precisely what confused her. It was always Jay, her usual Jay.  
“Hails, you coming up?”  
She heard him scream until she jumped up the stairs. Never as at that moment did she desire both her functioning legs. She cursed the throbbing pain in her thigh until she stopped seeing the bathroom light on and the door wide open.  
“What are you doing?”  
“Washing your hair”, he continued to traffic in her shower with his back to her.  
“What? No!”  
“I can wash long hair! Come on, sit down.”  
She happily melted into the chair in front of the sink. She kept a hostile and unconvinced expression until the warm water from the sink wet her hair.  
And God, it had never seemed so nice to wash her hair.  
She sighed satisfied with her eyes closed, “You're good.”  
“You don't need to be a genius to do this, Detective”, he chuckled.  
His hands ran slowly through her hair and she wondered if he had already done it, because he was really good. Or maybe it was just her who wanted so desperately to wash her hair that it would have looked nice even if he had been denied.  
They fell into a relaxing silence, she would have gladly fallen asleep if she could.  
“I often washed them for my mom when she was sick. When, you know…before the more aggressive treatment started…”  
She opened her eyes staring at him as he rinsed her hair. His green eyes were fixed on a point above her head, but his gaze was very far from her. She didn't say anything, she knew he just needed to stay in his memories. What he had just revealed to her was already a small conquest, she would not have gone further.  
She stomped on crutches to her room at the end of the corridor. Lying in her bed with clean hair was truly a unique emotion. Sometimes the simplest and most beautiful things were taken for granted.  
Satisfied, she moved over her blanket until she recognized the silent figure of Jay moving in the corridor finishing tidying up the bathroom.  
She called him while moving in the bed to make space for him, “The least I can offer you is one side of the bed. I would like to offer you a beer but I don't really think I have the strength to go down to the kitchen.”  
He smiled at her and after a few minutes he sat on the other side of the bed.  
Hailey closed her eyes in the twilight of her room. The effect of the last painkillers was fading and she knew she would not be able to sleep with that continuous pain in her thigh.  
“I wish she had known you, you know?”, he smiled with his eyes lost in emptiness.  
“Huh?”  
“My mom. You would have liked her. In many ways you are similar…”  
She settled against the cushions to be able to look at him. He had taken off his shoes and was leaning with his back against the headboard of the bed.  
“I'm sorry for the other morning… You didn't deserve to be treated like this.”  
She didn't really want to talk about it, but she felt he owed it to him.  
“I have treated you worse, a few times. Don't worry, Hailey. I like to think this is a partner thing too. Having someone to put your nervousness on, your thoughts. Good or bad, right?”  
She had never seen it from that point of view, but perhaps he was right. They weren't just partners at work. For the two of them, the word ‘partner’ had always taken on a broader conception. Calling partner in life was…wrong and right at the same time.  
“Okay, I'm leaving. I suppose Vanessa will arrive shortly. Let me know if you need anything. Get some rest.”  
She had no time to realize his words, which he had already disappeared out of his room and a few moments later she heard the front door close.  
She sighed bitterly realizing that she wanted to tell him so many things that she really couldn't tell him.  
The half-truth she had told him at the hospital…she would have liked to add the rest of the story too. Not being honest with him was one of the hardest things to do in the past few years.  
With another defeated sigh, she turned off the light and closed her eyes.  
All in due course. He was so important to her that she would have waited if necessary.

...

They fell into a strange routine. In the morning, Hailey saw Vanessa getting ready to go to work and every time the desire to follow her made her shiver.  
But she had to be honest and admit that staying home doing nothing didn't turn out to be as difficult as she would have imagined. The first few days passed in a fog blurred by pain and medicines. Every now and then she woke up rolled up against Jay's side while he was studying some files or, in the most extreme hypotheses, he slept.  
She knew they were following a difficult case and recognized the signs on Vanessa and Jay's destroyed features.  
They never ended up talking about her behavior again, but every now and then Hailey found out him while staring at her. She knew that sooner or later he would make sure to get back to the subject, but at the moment, she was still too painful to face with a clear mind everything that such a conversation could bring. She didn't want to face her feelings, she didn't want to face him.  
She noticed, however, a slight change in his behavior. He, the man who most escaped from physical contact, had developed this habit of touching and brushing her in the most everyday movements. Prepare the coffee and touch her shoulder, help her go down the stairs and keep his hand on her back. At night, she always managed to gravitate towards him in her sleep and when she woke up she found him dozing on the edge of her bed with a hand tied in her hair or behind her neck.  
She had a strange doubt that Vanessa had given him a copy of their house keys because otherwise she couldn't explain how he slipped on the edge of her bed in the middle of every night and dozed off there. The lightest sleeping man in the world who fell asleep in her bed.  
He had never been a lover of physical contact, yet now she almost felt his need to touch her, as if to ground himself that she was still alive. And she could understand it well, because it was the same thing she felt the first months after his shoulder injury.  
After all, she really wanted to explain to him what had gone through her head, how her broken heart had reacted by hurting him. But she didn't know how to say it, what to tell him. And above all, she didn't know what it would lead to deal with the topic. So she simply let it flow over her and enjoyed every possible moment with him.  
Was she still terrified of her feelings? Obviously yes. Had she learned how to keep them at bay? Absolutely not.  
The positive side of the whole situation was having started reading again. She spent her days in bed or on the sofa and devoured one book after another.  
On better days, she also managed to cook something. But normally, even after a week after leaving the hospital, her thigh hurt so much that staying upright almost made her pass out from the pain.

...

“Hey! I found two homeless outside the door!”  
She awoke with a start hearing Vanessa trot to the living room.  
“How did the day go?”, she rubbed her eyes only to see Jay and Mouse appear too. She didn't remember they would come for dinner, but she didn't even know where her phone was so if they had written her, she wouldn't have read anything.  
“A crap, Kevin ate my lunch. So now I could even eat a cow!”  
Vanessa kicked off her shoes dramatically.  
“If you want I can cook… I’m good enough.”  
“Sorry, Mouse. I don't know how much there is to eat…”  
“I can adapt!”   
“Then suit yourself!”, Hailey reached out to the kitchen.  
To her amazement and delight to Vanessa, Mouse was a really good cook. With what little they had in the pantry, he had managed to cook a dinner that could satisfy her hunger.  
Hailey watched the conversation silently. It was nice to see how comfortable everyone felt around the table. That Vanessa was able to relax any situation, she already knew. But that Jay and Mouse could be so homely, surprised her.  
“Hailey, are you with us?”, Vanessa waved a hand in front of her face.  
“Uh, yeah. No. I do not know.”  
“You certainly covered the whole spectrum of answers…”, Mouse laughed followed by Vanessa.  
“I think I’ll go to bed. Really, everything was good but… I'm just tired”, she said, getting up with difficulty with the help of crutches.  
She was already halfway up the stairs, puffing and cursing, when she felt lifted from the ground and carried upstairs in a few steps.  
“You know it would be enough to ask, right?”, Jay said after sliding her to bed.  
She mumbled something that was surely hardly understood before she swallowed the two pills he was stretching.  
She felt the mattress drop down beside her and her leg resting on a pillow. The painkillers were already taking effect and her head was slowly emptying. The more the pain in the leg vanished, the more the usual haze of relief begins to surround her.  
“Can you stay here tonight?”, she mumbled with narrowed eyes. Probably if she had been lucid she would never have asked, but she was not lucid and did not really care.  
“I really wish, but I have to go back to work, Hailey.”  
“Really?”  
“Yeah, you would know if you had listened the dinner…”, he chuckled.  
“Well, don't go back to work. Stay here.”  
His laughter warmed her heart a little, “You're definitely drugged!”  
She closed her eyes snorting. She felt a hand caress her hair and a few moments later she was alone. The door was closed behind him but she still managed to hear their voices downstairs.  
She just wanted to start feeling better, was it asking too much?


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey girl, where are you going this morning?"

Vanessa was munching her toast standing behind the kitchen counter.

"At work with you, obviously."

"What? No. You haven't been authorized yet!"

"Please! I can't stay home without doing anything! I'll only come to the district, some paperwork, some coffee. Anyway something more exciting than the sofa…"

More than three weeks had passed since the shot and she was finally better. She still used crutches because putting all the weight on her leg could still be too tiring. But, by now, she could stand and arrive in the evening without crying in pain.

So, it really seemed like the time to do something more useful than finish the movies available on Netflix and the books in her library.

But she hadn't heard from Jay for three days. She knew from Vanessa that they were following a difficult case and that he had often worked the night. She knew him and knew how badly a case could take him. She could not allow him to shut everything out, do something irresponsible and endanger himself. So she absolutely had to go to the district and get him out of any nightmare his mind could drag him into.

Wearing jeans proved more complicated than she thought, but after a few struggles and swearing, she could be satisfied with the result.

Crossing the threshold of the district and seeing Platt behind the desk at the entrance almost made her cry with joy. It was all so normal, her everyday life rediscovered.

Jumping up the steps to climb in Intelligence made her feel like a teenager: impatient and excited.

She still had to think how to deal with and convince Voight, but hey, she was in Intelligence!

"My favorite girl! You're a vision!", Kevin was the first to notice her and, just as she expected, he lifted her to embrace her.

Her gaze wandered between the desks and, God, she had gone home.

She ended up sitting in her chair, spreading her arms spread over the desk and sighing with joy, "My baby, I missed you so much…"

She heard the laughter of the other three present but her attention was concentrated on her shiny and tidy desk, until she noticed her document holder slightly moved from the normal position.

"Adam, did you use my baby to lay your crap?"

"Eh? No…maybe. It depends on the use you could make of that crutch…"

"Where are Kim and Jay?"

"To Med for the girl they found. She's discharged today and they bring her here to interrogate her. They left early", Mouse came out from around the corner, "It's a pleasure to see you."

"The same for me", she waved one hand while the other stroked the wood of the desk.

She had had enough time to steal the file from Jay's desk and study the blackboard to catch up with the case they were following.

"Rojas, the girl has arrived, go to… Upton. Have you been authorized and I haven't known?"

Voight leaned against the door jamb with his arms crossed.

"No, not yet. But I can do something useful here…like…", she looked around desperately," Like interviewing your witness!"

"Upton."

"I have crutches, I don't run, I don't jump and I don't shoot. I just read the file, I know what happened, I can do it. I promise!"

In response, she received a grunt and a raised eyebrow, "Kim is in the second interrogation room."

She got up hopping away on crutches. She was entering the corridor when his voice made her stop.

"Hailey? We missed you."

"It's nice to be back, Sarge."

...

Despite the case involving girls' disappearance, Hailey had never been so happy to be back in the district. She left the interrogation room an hour later to run into Jay who was leaning against the wall.

"And I thought you would have warned your partner before going back to work…"

"Uh, I think I forgot the face of the partner you're talking about. I haven't seen him for days…"

"Touchè", he laughed before reaching out and squeezing her shoulder with his hand, "It's really nice to see you here again."

"Mutual feeling", she smiled, touching his hand resting on her shoulder.

"Halstead, Upton! I want you here now!", Voight's snarl made them jump. They turned the corner to find him staring furiously at the blackboard with their evidence, "So?"

"She seemed credible to me… Based on what she said, we could try to limit the area where she was being held prisoner…"

"And?"

"She told us to remember some details of the area after running away and before being run over,", then Kim handed Mouse a sheet of paper and he started typing on the computer.

She slumped into her chair with a strong desire to throw those damned crutches away while Jay sat on her desk moving some papers.

"Okay, this is the area. Industrial area, a lot of space and few people. Easy to hide women."

"Mouse", Voight roared.

"Yeah right, I could reduce it to three sheds, but I can't go further…"

"Okay, let's go. You are glued to that chair", he pointed down the stairs.

She didn't even have time to reply that they were all already gone.

"You don't know how to stay in the office, eh…"

She answered to Mouse shaking her defeated head. She would never get used to it and that was exactly why she would make her leg heal as soon as possible.

...

"Do you mind taking me home?"

If she thought returning to the district was enough to keep an eye on Jay, she was wrong.

Because yes, they had taken the cursed killer pig, as Adam had called it by slamming the locker room door behind him, but they had also found ten of the twelve missing girls torn to pieces in the gabbie in a basement.

She had seen the photos, but she certainly could not compete with what they had seen. And she could understand it from Vanessa's red eyes, Kim's stiff shoulders and especially Jay's obstinate silence.

At her question, Jay stopped to stare at her. He was tired and downcast, she knew it well.

"Of course. Let's go now?"

Kim and Kevin had already left, Adam was ending his report and Vanessa was still in the locker room for more than half an hour.

She caught up with him easily. He was slower than usual, but she knew he was doing it to wait for her. Once in the car, she quickly wrote a message to Vanessa before turning around on the seat and staring at Jay.

"Spit it out", he sighed, staring at the road.

"We could go to your place and order a pizza. Kevin is at my place…"

"Seems like a good plan."

Slightly surprised by the ease with which he surrendered to her, she sank into the seat, sighing with satisfaction.

As soon as they got home, Jay disappeared into the bathroom. Hailey stretched her leg on the sofa with a slight feeling of joy. She had been sitting all day and probably still wasn't the best thing for her thigh.

"Jay?", approached his bedroom after hearing him, more than twenty minutes before, get out of the bathroom and shut himself there.

The door was ajar and there was no noise from inside. She knocked a few times not to invade his privacy but it was still silent.

"Hey…", she slowly approached him, sitting on the edge of the bed. His eyes were lost in space and his arms were abandoned on his knees.

She limped to his closet, taking a T-shirt from the drawer.

God, how deep she was. She even knew how he divided clothes in the closet.

"Jay, take this…"

He recognized her presence only when she touched his bare shoulder.

"Um, sorry. I was a little far away."

"Okay, I ordered pizza. But Jay, if you want to talk…"

"I'm fine, I'll be right there."

He turned his back on her in silence and she simply closed the door behind her.

He reached her after a few minutes, the pizza had just arrived and she had prepared the table. The fact that she knew how to move around his house was almost embarrassing. She wanted to feel uncomfortable, but the more she thought about it, the more she understood that it seemed normal.

Damn it, none of that had to be normal.

She handed him a beer in silence before grabbing a slice of pizza.

"If you want to change, I can give you clothes."

Hearing him speak was almost strange, he was so far away from her that she expected him to remain silent for much longer.

"I can't close my eyes, Hailey. I can't do it. If I do, I see them again and… How can a man think of doing such a thing?"

"You are a good man with a good heart, Jay Halstead. That's what fuck you."

He nodded looking down, "Thanks for being here. I mean…I know why you came back to work today."

"Yeah, well…", she turned the glass over in her hands, "That's what partners are for."

She looked down after meeting his eyes fixed on her. As long as it was work, she could hold his gaze forever, but outside of work and the two of them alone, she could no longer sustain it. It was just…too much.

When they reached the sofa, she could not hold back a puff of pain by stretching her leg on the table.

"You need anything for the leg?"

"Yeah, just keep it stretched out. I can't wait to leave crutches!"

"Impatient woman…", he coughed, shaking his head.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever…", she laughed hitting him on the chest.

They remained silent staring at the TV. She wasn't really looking at it, on the contrary she was so tired that her eyes were already closing.

"I can't stop thinking about that morning. There was only so much blood and I…"

His words awakened her from the numbness in which she was falling.

"I didn't understand how it could have happened, Hailey", he shook his head next to her, his eyes still fixed on the TV, "Nothing matters more than having your back…and I didn't have it."

In the twilight, she saw him leaning his head against the back of the sofa and staring at the ceiling.

"I don't really know what happened to you in those days, what happened to us. But when I heard the shot and then I saw you on the ground…and then Voight forcing me to stay at work and I swear, I swear to you Hailey, I couldn't understand what was going on. A moment before you are yelling at me and the next moment you are almost bleeding to death. And I was lost, Hailey."

"I'm fine, Jay…", she gently squeezed his arm. But she suddenly felt him stiffen and stare at her with wide eyes. As if he had realized only then what he had said.

"Yeah, anyway…if you want to stay here tonight, I had put some clothes on the bed. Otherwise, if you prefer, I can take you home."

She saw him get up and disappear into the kitchen. She wasn't really surprised that he was shutting her out, it was a behavior she often had too. She appreciated that he had managed to speak to her, to open, it wasn't a simple thing for Jay and she liked each of the small times that happened.

"Do you have a toothbrush, by any chance?", she asked, returning to the living room. She rolled up the over-long sweatpants on her hips with her arm not being used for the crutch.

"There's your in the bathroom cabinet. It's the red one!"

"You know, I think Kim is with Adam and Kevin with Vanessa tonight", she said after a few minutes, leaving the crutch and throwing herself on the sofa.

"Adam and Kim, again?", his eyes widened in confusion.

"Adam and Kim will be forever. But I meant to keep company like this, on the most difficult nights…"

She snorted in pain as he helped her stretching her leg on the table in front of her, then continued.

"But you're the luckiest, you know?"

"Uh, yeah? Why do I have the most beautiful and intelligent partner?", he stared at her.

Hailey pretended not to notice how her heart accelerated at his words.

"This is certainly true but above all, because I was not there this afternoon, I am not seeing your own monsters, so I can help you not to see them tonight. I can…I can help you sleep, if you want…"

"Do you want to help me sleep?"

In the twilight, she saw him raise an eyebrow and for a moment regretted what she had said.

"That sounds great, thanks Hails."

Hi Guys!

How are you? Please, always stay safe in this crazy world!

Here I am with a new chapter!

You are so incredible and I want to share so many stories with you. Stories I had wrote during the quarantine months and I don't really know how to stop myself from not publishing everything immediately!

Your words and your interest always push me to create something new and it is thanks to you if I started writing again after years of silence.

As you know by now, English is not my first language, but I hope to be improved and I hope to be able to translate in the best way! But if you notice any mistake or something that needs to be said differently, please tell me! I'm always curious and ready to learn new things.

If you have any opinions or ideas on how the story could go, as always, let me know!

A thousand hugs, H

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry if I disappeared for so long!  
> I hope to be forgiven by publishing the rest of the story by tomorrow!  
> Let me know what you think, H.


	5. Chapter 5

"Detective Upton! They told me you're back on the field today! And in style!"

Will slammed the beer against her before taking a big sip.

"I think I'm the happiest one for her return! She was becoming unbearable, she practically ran up the stairs at home!"

Hailey punched Vanessa in the shoulder before Will caught her attention again, "I like you Hailey, but I never want you as a patient again!"

"Hey, no! I was lovable…"

Adam laughed loudly, slamming a hand on the table, "Lovable is the word I would have described to you when you were stuck behind the desk…"

"No Will, you can't believe it but she even managed to annoy Jay for too much order!"

"That's not true!", Hailey opened her mouth wide to Kevin.

"No, that's very true! You tidied up his desk, Hailey. Jay's desk doesn't need to be tidied up."

"Will, you should have seen his expression when he saw the desk…", Adam practically choked on those moments.

"Jay, tell them! You're not went crazy!", Hailey practically begged him.

"Uhm, no…of course."

His dubious tone made the whole group laugh, except for Hailey who looked at him badly.

"Look Hails, I'm sure you're full of great qualities. But patience is definitely not part of them… And I grew up with Jay, let's remember everyone!"

"Hey sorry, stupid brother…", Jay muttered looking at him badly, but nobody calculated him.

"Jay is impatient, I have Greek origins, it's different! We are not very patient…"

"Excuse me?", he pretended offended by crossing his arms, but she brushed it away with one hand.

"What?", Mouse spat his beer on the table, staring at her with wide eyes.

"Oh, not again…", she heard Jay mutter in a low voice.

"Do you have Greek origins? And I didn't know? I love greeks girls! Hailey, this is definitely a sign of destiny!"

"I'm Greek but I don't believe in fate, man."

"Oh, we can work on it, girl, I'm not worried", he raised his eyebrows conspiratorially and winked at her.

"Yeah, no. It won't happen!", she laughed, shaking her head.

"I don't believe it, Detective Halstead! How long!"

A ringing voice made them turn and Hailey found two cheerful hazel eyes all focused on Jay.

"Sorry, don't take it personally, but I…uhm…"

Jay stared at her in confusion for a few moments, turning to Kevin for help. But he shrugged his shoulders smiling.

"Delilah Baker…"

"Oh God yes, the lawyer! Now I remember!", Jay reached out to shake her, "Sorry but…"

"Yeah, it's been a while since the last time you made me damn."

"Not my fault if I'm great in my job…", he slipped off his stool, taking a few steps away and turning his back on them.

Hailey turned to the table with a stoic expression on her face. She knew the look that Vanessa would have and she really had no intention of holding her to weary her.

The conversation easily drifted to other speeches and Jay never returned to his seat, which instead was occupied by Will. Occasionally she heard him laughing at the counter and each time her fist clenched a little tighter around her beer.

But she was good at holding back her emotions and controlling herself, she had been doing it since she was twelve. And indeed, she acted as if nothing had happened. She easily hid the way her heart ran into her ears whenever she heard his voice.

"I could even call the night, what do you say?", Vanessa waved a hand in front of her eyes while she was engaged in a strange conversation with Mouse about Greek food.

"Yeah sure, you're my ride home, baby."

Vanessa stood up, joined her and put an arm around her shoulders.

"My girl is get back!"

"We definitely have to go now", Hailey shook her head before pushing her through the club. Drunk Vanessa was always the funniest show of all.

...

She turned over in bed for the millionth time. Her head couldn't stop spinning around Jay's thought.

She remembered his words well to Mouse when she had heard them by mistake, she remembered them too well. Still, there was something wrong with them.

He never stopped acting like he really cared about her, more than just a partner.

She was not sure but still, she had this sensation in the mouth of her stomach that did not make her rest.

And then, to hear him laugh with another woman… It had been two years that, as far as she knew, he wasn't dating anyone. It was always the two of them, it was normal. So seeing him spend the evening with another woman seemed strange to her and, although she had behaved normally with the others, she was certainly jealous.

Realizing it, left her motionless in the bed, her gaze fixed on the ceiling and the heart pounding in her ears.

She was jealous. She didn't want to see Jay with anyone else, but then…

What if she lost him before she even had him?

She wanted to have time to think, she wanted to give him time to think, but it had been three years that they had met and danced around this thing for too long, even unconsciously.

Without stopping to think further, she got up and put on a pair of shorts.

She quietly went down the stairs looking for her car keys in the dark and, before she even realized what she was really doing, she was knocking on his door.

It was only at that moment that it occurred to her that he might not have been alone and that showing up there at that time was not the smartest thing of all.

She was quickly thinking about retracing her steps, when the door opened and a very sleepy Jay appeared.

"Hailey? Did something happen?", he rubbed his eyes, stepping aside to let her in.

"You alone?"

"What? Yeah… It's two o'clock, Hails. What happened?"

Only after hearing that he was alone, did she make her way into his apartment.

"We need to talk. Really talk."

"Okay…", it came out more like a question, but the look he gave her made her back away.

She could not do it, she could do many things in life, but not that.

"Hailey? I am getting worried…"

She ran her hands through her hair, walking nervously into his living room. Her mind jumped from side to side and for a moment she wondered if it was really possible to think at that speed.

"I heard you speak to Mouse."

He blinked a few times in silence, so Hailey continued.

"Before I get shot. That morning. I heard you talk to Mouse and…"

She clenched her fists in the pillow she had in the hands.

"Listen, I don't know exactly why I'm here now but I just needed to say it. Nothing has to change, I mean you are still my partner, right?"

"No, Hailey, slow down", he walked over to the sofa, running a hand through his hair, "I need you to help me join some stitches because I might have gotten lost."

She sighed in defeat realizing how quickly this situation could precipitate.

"You would have heard me speak to Mouse and then you went crazy, right? But you said you were crazy about Erin or something…so I'm a little confused."

"I'm not Erin and I never wanted to take her place, do you know?"

"Yeah, I know very well. That's why I don't understand why you're so obsessed with her. She has nothing to do with you!"

"Yes, but there is one thing we have in common."

She moved away from him by sliding to the other side of the room. She could not bear to be with him because she would have been able to suffocate with her own thoughts. She saw him staring at her in silence, the lamp in the corner dimly illuminated only part of his face but he knew very well what expression he had at that moment.

"Like her, I have feelings for my partner."

"Oh, you heard me talk to Mouse that morning", the realization of the conversation she referred to brightened his face, "Listen Hailey, can we talk about it?"

But she continued as if he hadn't opened his mouth, as if he wasn't even there.

"And I fought them Jay, I swear to you! I did everything I could but…I can't take it anymore, I'm tired."

The silence that fell in the room was so heavy that she felt the stupid desire to open the window to change the air. Still standing by the TV, she slipped her hands into her pockets trying to stop tormenting them while he sat on the sofa with his head in his hands.

They stayed like that for minutes and when she was thinking of running away from the door, he took a deep breath.

"We never talked about it but maybe we should have. Erin has been many things for me", he sighed again, "but I don't think I have any more problem talking about her. Did I love her? Definitely. Was it a toxic relationship? I'm pretty sure it was. But she left and I accepted it. Years have passed, Hailey. Don't keep thinking about Erin."

Finally her muscles received what her brain ordered and silently sat in the armchair in front of the sofa.

"It's just that…I work so well with you…"

"I fought so hard to hide my feelings. What I said to Mouse, I'm pretty sure I was trying to convince myself. Mouse didn't believe it for a minute. He made the whole mother hen thing at the hospital for days, he was taking care of you for me. He knew it, Hails."

"What are we doing, Jay?"

"I didn't want to have you as a partner in the beginning, you know? I have argued with Voight. I just wanted someone I already knew…maybe Kevin. Obviously Voight turned away, intimating me to close the door after leaving", a glimmer of smile slipped on his face.

"And it had nothing to do with the fact that you were a woman. I didn't want you because…I understood I would have cared about you. You immediately had had that ability to follow me and ask me what was wrong when even I knew that something was wrong with me. God, how much I fought you… And now, I can't think of doing this job without you. I can't even think of being without you. I keep seeing you bleed into my hands and I never stop asking myself what would have happened to me if you hadn't made it. In how many pieces I would have destroyed myself. Hailey, you are so important to me… God…", he chuckled bitterly, shaking his head. He had met her eyes only for short moments.

"What if we stop fighting each other? I mean, it's pretty obvious to everyone that we are much more than partners."

"For all but us", he added, staring at her.

She really couldn't afford to lose him before she even had him. The idea of losing him terrified her regardless, so it was worth trying, right?

"What do we have to lose, Jay?"

"Everything? Hailey, I'm a mess. And you…you're too important to me", he spat out like an obvious.

"What if it's great and we never find out?"

She pushed herself to the edge of the armchair while Jay stared at her. She could almost hear his brain working, making the list of pros and cons that he rarely did before running into a shooting but which he never gave up when it came to his private life.

"What if it doesn't work?"

Good question, she thought. She wanted to give him a convincing and reassuring answer, but she didn't have any for herself.

"We are a good team, I think we'll be able to make the situation work, for better or for worse…"

"Okay."

Okay, she repeated to herself. Okay. She breathed deeply with her eyes closed. Okay, he said okay.

"But on one condition."

She opened her eyes abruptly and fixed her gaze on him. He seemed shy, an attitude so out of his character that Hailey felt like hugging him and never letting him go.

"We will not throw ourselves into a relationship. We won't have sex tonight, not that I don't want to anyway", she blushed violently at his words, then nodded staring at him.

"We'll go out for dinner, we'll do things like normal people. We'll take things easy. I don't want to ruin everything in a hurry. You are my Hailey, you are worth every moment for me. This is my condition, you in it?"

As he spoke, he reached out a hand to the side table that separated them.

"Completely in", she whispered reaching for his hand to squeeze it. She stared at their joined hands and felt her heart beat a little faster.

They remained silent staring for what seemed like hours, but then she awoke slowly getting up and approaching the door. Their hands were still together, so he simply followed her, stopping a few steps when she crossed the threshold.

"See you in a few hours, partner."

And before her brain could register it, he lowered himself onto her, touching her lips with his. It had been only a flash, an almost imperceptible caress.

She looked at the closed door in front of her, stroking her lips with her fingertips, then turned going back down the corridor to reach her car.

Okay, Jay said okay.

She was just Hailey, everything was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dear.
> 
> We're almost at the end of this story too, surely there's still a chapter. 
> 
> As you may have guessed by now, I have a soft spot for difficult relationships with a happy ending. Sorry, I'm a romantic girl.
> 
> I hope you are all well and that this story can steal you a smile.
> 
> As always, thank you for coming with me on this journey (not too long I would say, only five chapters, but anyway...)
> 
> Hope to hear from you soon, H.


	6. Chapter 6

_"Who's up for Molly tonight?", Kevin yawned, stretching his legs under the desk._

_A chorus of assents rose from Mouse, Vanessa and Kim, while Adam slammed his hand on his desk._

_"Hell, me! I feel like I've been sitting here forever! You guys?"_

_Hailey let out a sigh before shaking her head, "I'll be with some old friends…"_

_"Old friends? You never told us about it…"_

_"Yeah, you know…college friends."_

_She remained impassive under Vanessa's unconvinced gaze, probably she would have been the only one to see through both of them, but she was quite sure that, for everyone else, her interpretation had left no doubts._

_Kevin waved a hand in her direction, before turning to Jay who was still typing on the computer._

_"Going on a date."_

_"What?!"_

_Hailey refrained from laughing because Adam's face was absolutely the funniest thing she had ever seen in the past few days._

_"I mean…", he continued wiping the water he had spit on Kevin's desk, "Do you have a date?"_

_"I'm pretending I'm not offended by your surprised tone", Jay said with sufficiently, raising only one eyebrow in his direction._

_"A date, that's great…"_

_And Hailey really had to refrain from bursting out laughing at the alarmed looks the rest of the group gave her. As if they were trying to understand if she knew and agreed._

_"And with whom?"_

_Jay raised another eyebrow, continuing to type, "A girl."_

_Hailey, with her back to the rest of the group, rolled her eyes at the man's incredible ability to be impenetrable. She had pity on his partner, however, when heard Vanessa take a breath ready to intervene, so rushed to his aid._

_"Ah, the girl you told me about the other day, right?"_

_She kept a deliberately cold tone. Everyone was already completely convinced that she would be jealous, so all the better to play all the way._

_"Yeah. Well, now…", he turned off the computer and got up from his desk, "If we have finished talking about my private life, I wish you all a good evening. See you tomorrow."_

_He trotted cheerfully down the stairs leaving the rest of the team in stunned silence._

_"Does Halstead really have a date?"_

_"How long haven't I heard that?"_

_Kim and Kevin completed their own sentences looking at each other with wide eyes._

_"Did you know?", Kevin rolled to her desk with an elbow on the papers she was signing._

_"Yeah sure, he told me about it."_

_He had run away and left her there alone. She would make him pay for it, that's for sure._

_"And do you agree?"_

_"I didn't know I had to agree", Hailey narrowed her eyes against Adam, sitting in Jay's chair._

_"No, I mean, is that okay with you?"_

_"Sure!", she spat between her teeth. After signing the last sheet, she greeted everyone by running away from that interrogation._

_Before turning the corner at the bottom of the stairs, she heard Vanessa chuckle, "Don't worry, tomorrow Halstead will be dead."_

_Thank goodness there was Vanessa in her life. She would buy her a tray of her favorite ice cream on the way home._

...

"I has to admit that your performance was pretty good."

"Pretty good? You are gone away!", she said angrily stabbing her pasta.

She heard him chuckle in front of her and when she looked up, her heart trembled.

They were on a date, together. Not that it was very different from a normal dinner they would share. She remembered the difference as she moved to the chair. She had heels, she was elegantly dressed and he had a shirt. Otherwise, he was always the same Jay.

"Does it seem strange to you?", she snapped before thinking about it.

His brow furrowed and his hand froze in midair. The fork with spaghetti a few centimeters from the plate.

"I mean, all this. Does it seem strange to you?"

"Honestly, no. To you?"

She looked around slowly, then her eyes returned to him, "No. I like it."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that."

The sweet smile that slipped on his lips made her heart flutter again. It seemed impossible to her that, after all that had happened, they were now there.

"So, if I haven't known you for three years, tell me something about yourself."

"Ah, come on", she laughed, "You probably also know what pajamas I sleep with…"

He stared at her with a mischievous look, "I know perfectly well. For example, during winter, when it snows, you put the red one with snowflakes."

"But what…?", she opened her mouth forgetting the spaghetti she was rolling in her fork, "If I didn't know you enough, I would think you are a maniac."

"Well, then I'm happy to be on a date with someone who knows me so well."

"Yeah, I'm happy too…"

She slid her hand towards his resting on the table and timidly brushed their fingers.

It was all so equal and different. It was always the two of them but in a context like this…

She spent all her days around Jay, she knew how to recognize the sound of his breath among many others and his expressions had no secrets for her. Yet being there, while their fingers brushed, was something she didn't think would really happen.

If at first, the idea of going on a date and taking things slowly, as he wanted, it seemed an absurdity that she had gladly accepted only for him, now she understood why he had wanted it.

They did a frantic and brutal job, where the limits between right and wrong were often confused and where often forgot the simplest and most beautiful things.

And being there, that evening, was a simple and beautiful thing.

He was Jay with his green eyes. It was normal, it was what it had to be.

And Hailey would never give up on that shy flush that spread on his cheeks every time their fingers touched.

...

"You're drunk", Jay laughed, raising his head against the sky.

"I'm not!"

Hailey staggered on her heels just outside the restaurant, "It's not my fault if you made me drink too much wine…"

"So admit you're drunk!"

She found herself giggling in the summer breeze. A breath of wind ruffled her hair and, for a moment, she thought she was so far from Chicago, from her everyday life.

"Stop thinking, Detective."

"Uh?", she looked up at him as his hand put a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I hear you thinking from here. What's wrong?"

Hailey smiled at him and grabbed his hand by intertwine their fingers.

"It's nice. This, us. It's nice."

Jay smiled at her and then leaned over to let their lips touch.

She had kissed him a few times, but each time it was strange and normal at the same time. If she had to describe his kiss, she would simply have said it was just like Jay. Kind and solid.

"I have an idea!", she reluctantly moved away from his lips leaving her arms tied around his neck.

The worried expression on his face made her laugh, "Let's take a photo!"

"A photo? Why?", he mumbled with his face in her neck.

"You want to do things like normal people would! Normal people would take a photo of themselves after a date!"

"Normal people would have sex after a date, Hailey."

She laughed hitting him on the back then, narrowing her eyes towards him, "You want to do things slowly, Jay. But if it were up to me, I would have already gone home…"

Her voice was low and her hand slid down his chest slowly. She clearly felt his breathing tangled in his throat and had to restrain herself from smiling triumphantly.

"You…you dirty player."

"Yeah yeah, whatever…let's take a photo", she smiled brightly printing a kiss on his lips.

Hailey trotted towards two boys who were drinking a beer on a bench not far from them. After a short conversation and having left her phone, she returned to Jay who was now leaning against the balustrade along the river.

She squeezed against him as his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

And suddenly, with the wind in her hair and her body against him, Hailey wondered if it was normal to feel so happy e complete.

"Is this the first time in Chicago for you?"

One of the two boys approached them, holding out her cell phone.

"Yup! We came to see his brother, he works here!", Hailey smiled at him automatically returning under Jay's arm.

After greeting them, she turned over against him, placing her hands against his chest and feeling his hands running through her loose hair.

"It's good to see you happy, babe."

"Yeah, it's good to see you happy, babe", she breathed against his neck and closed her eyes.

And for the second time, was it really possible to be so happy and complete?

* * *

**Hi guys. Here I am with the end of this story!**

**As every time, I want to thank each of you for accompanying me on this journey.**

**I thank those who read me, those who spent even two minutes of his time on a story that perhaps did not make him excited and even more I thank those who, on the other hand, spent a few minutes of his time on a story that instead had loved.**

**Thanks again for this trip, with a scared and injured Hailey and a Jay who is always a bit of a coward to change his life. But in the end we have now learned to love them both.**

**I hope you are all well, out there in this crazy world!**

**With love, H.**

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Here I am back with a new story!  
> I wanna say that English is not my first language, soplease excuse me if i make mistakes. I try to translate as best I can.
> 
> This was there rotting on my computer but I never had the courage to publish it. There is always something that does not convince me in it!
> 
> But then I said to myself, what the hell! You'll tell me if it's a crap!
> 
> It won't be very long but hey, I hope you like it!
> 
> Stay safe out there.
> 
> With love, H


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